Certifies First Quarter Earnings and Denies Having Weapons of Mass Destruction Certifies First Quarter Earnings and Denies Having Weapons of Mass Destruction

Madison, WI: March 10, 2003

The accounting firm of Hopman, Hartman, and Toad has found no obvious abnormalities in the books provided to them and certifies without legally binding doubt that is making the profit they are reporting. As far as they could tell. Nothing suspicious was found whatsoever. Invest in Good Health.® is also pleased to announce that after extensive UN inspections it was determined without any doubt that the Madison based security consulting firm currently has no weapons of mass destruction nor any facilities to produce or design those weapons.

This appears to make somewhat unique in the world, since it seems that every moron on the planet currently has produced some form of Weapon of Mass Destruction despite numerous rules preventing the spread of such weapons. "Doesn't anybody follow the rules anymore?" said President of, Paul Tatarsky. "We follow the rules here at None of this proliferation stuff happens here. The books are good also. So Invest with Good Health! ®"

The whole WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction) issue was begun when overhead satellite photographs detected what appeared to be a used Soviet-era Tupolev Tu-22 "Blinder A" bomber parked in the city park behind Mr. Tatarsky's home. City officials when contacted said they knew of no city permission that was granted to park a Tu-22 medium range bomber in Arbor Hills park and expressed concern. "We would not have given Mr. Tatarsky permission to park his aging fleet of bombers in Arbor Hills park, certainly not without an increase in property tax assessment." said city official Henry Certas.

The Tu-22 "Blinder" was a Cold War era medium bomber with nuclear capabilities, a range of over 1500 miles, and supersonic speed capability. Initial concerns were that the former marketing director at had purchased a Tu-22 at a swap meet in Minsk and was planning to conduct airstrikes in revenge for his firing. Seen here at a office party with former roommate, co-worker, and fraternal twin Khalid Shaikh Mohammed. The sock puppet is now under heavy investigation. And is obviously in cahoots with the "Axis of Evil".

When asked to comment on the phone about the satellite images Mr. Tatarsky launched into a tirade about personal privacy and explained that what the image clearly showed was his son's Lego Jedi Starfighter model, apparently left outside overnight. Not a fully functional Tupolev Tu-22 by any means. He produced this photo to verify his claim that it was most likely a trick of the light.

And remember "Invest in Good Health ®"!